Month: September 2019

There will be times when things seemingly go sideways. When they were right side up and then suddenly upside down.  You need to build the capacity to filter through the bullshit to see what’s really there. Consider:

• The person who derailed – what’s their perspective and motivation for derailment?
• The context – what else is going on that would cause this issue to occur?
• The outcome – what do you actually want to have happen? Could this derailment be a blessing in disguise?
• Why you’re upset – if the derailment is a new perspective or new information, embrace it. You don’t need to be right!

In the end, when things seemingly go awry,  while you’re thrown off balance, the detour may take you down a better path – or not. Take detours as learning opportunities – don’t fight the ride – enjoy it – knowing in the end, we will have gained far more experience having gone through it.

Tonight I moderated a panel of senior executives who both come from and live in the comfort of diversity. Two of the panelists were immigrants to Canada and one had spent over 5 years in Asia and we were speaking to an audience of 500 middle and senior managers and directors about leadership and being bold.  After a lively discussion on diversity – physical, cultural,  mental –  I asked the panelist for a piece of advice the would give based on their personal journey:

1. Be empathetic.  Having gone through taunting and feeling out of place as the only Asian family in a small town, this leader fundamentally understood what it meant to be visibly and culturally different. This experience left such an impression that it drives his empathy when interacting with his teams.
2. Be authentic.  The world around you doesn’t always agree with who you may be, but don’t conform if it’s not who you are. Adaptation is critical, but not in the service of being untrue to who you are.
3. Be courageous. If you’re offered the opportunity to try something new – if you’ve never done it before or know little about it (like go to Asia) – don’t let it stop you if it’s something you want to do. Don’t let fear keep you from experiencing the amazing things offered to you.

I had a wonderful time moderating this impressive group of leaders. We learn so much from meeting new people.  Keep putting yourself there and saying yes to the things that come your way.

The worse kind of feedback is the blank stare. You know what I’m talking about. When you ask someone a question and they simply have no reaction. The stare could mean many so things:

• “My stare is cultural – don’t judge”
• “What do you mean, I don’t understand”
• “Your crazy but I don’t want to offend you”
• “I know what you’re saying, but have no response”
• “I understand and fundamentally disagree”
• “I  will let you keep talking so you can expose your cards”
• “I’m awestruck by who and what you are” – rare, but I’m sure it’s happened 🙂

Whatever the reason (aside from the first), just say the words.  Blank stares are a non-response that add no value to a conversation.

I continue to stand on my saying vs. doing soapbox. There’s another way to look at this and it’s from the perspective of leverage. At work or at home, if you are doing everything you’re saying, you may be doing too much. Learning how to tell others what you need done is a tough skill to learn for “doers”.

I’m a doer – I always have been. It’s been difficult to learn the art of delegation and I still don’t have it down yet. I . have a laundry list of things both at work and home that are on my “say-do” list. But I know that list will only get larger and my scope stalled if I don’t make it into a “say-tell-do” list. The key to this is not just having additional brains and bodies in the “do” column, but increasing the ability to operate in the “tell” column.

In my journey to better delegate, I’ve learned that, depending on the ability of the “doer”, you need to be very specific with what you’re looking for, but also conscious of your role in developing “doers” into “thinkers” so they can eventually “say-tell-do” themselves. Part teacher / part leader / part boss – delegating well is an art. It requires simultaneously defining the outcomes, articulating instruction and creating the right coaching environment so the person “doing” not only understands, but also feels good about delivering. This takes a tremendous amount of patience and skill. I’m still learning the art of “say-tell-do”. Curious about others’ experiences in delegation.

I wrote a couple days ago about committing to doing the things you say you’re going to do – whether it be to yourself, co-workers, family or friends. I’ve found the most difficult commitments to keep are the we make to ourselves because there is no other person that holds us accountable. We rely on the strength of our own will, the habits we’ve formed and the mental strength to follow through. I backslid this week-end on a couple of self commitments and have had to go through a process…

• Embrace the backslide. What was it? A fabulous night out with friends? Connecting with other human beings? Was it a terrible week that drove you to the comfort of your vice(s)? Whatever it was embrace that thing and acknowledge that it happened.
• You will fall off the wagon and backslide. Maybe on this journey to self commitment, we have to acknowledge that we will succumb from time to time to the thing we’re trying a) to do or b) not to do. In the end, it’s the decision we make after we backslide that will be the true test of our character.
• Hit restart. No matter how shitty you feel the next day, you have to hit restart as soon as you can. If not, you will send yourself into a major negative spiral which will be even more difficult to pull yourself out of.

What are your commitments? Own them, but also cut yourself some slack when you slip up occasionally. The hope is that you recognize the slip up and deal with it so the likelihood of a future slip up, while always present, lessens over time.

 

 

 

 

Something I learned this past week is the idea of editing what you say, write and, to a certain degree, believe.  My coach calls it backspacing – the notion that you are editing yourself when you should let your thoughts free flow. We all do this – we write, delete, write more, backspace more. This is because our ego wants to be right – the first time. I do it when I’m writing these posts. Instead of just free flowing and letting the words come to the page naturally, I edit as a I write. The thing is – writing (or creating anything) is a fundamentally different skill than editing.

Creating – whether in written, spoken or visual language, requires the building up of a thing, a story , a piece of art, an argument. Editing on the other hand is about refinement. The problem is if you edit while you create – the act of backspacing yourself – you may lose out on how far you push your creativity. So – if you’re trying to make something, don’t backspace too early. You could be missing out on the potential of the very thing you’re trying to create.

 

We go through our lives saying yes to a lot of things and making commitments we don’t keep. This does two things – it 1/ erodes confidence in ourselves and 2/ diminishes trust with those we’ve made the commitments to. On the flip side, when we deliver on what we say we’re going to, the effects are quite the opposite. Delivering sends us into positivity and build our reputation with ourselves, friends, families and co-workers.

There is an entire movement behind keeping your word – https://becauseisaidiwould.org/.

So don’t just say you’ll do it – deliver.

Are there organizations that operate as true meritocracies? While many espouse to be, fundamental things get in the way – like ego, habits, biases, personalities, nepotism, favouritism … the list goes on. One of the key things that gets in the way of open dialogue and the right people contributing to problems is hierarchy. Titles and rankings, while they can be well deserved badges of achievement, they can also feed egos and drive insecurities.

Consider the scenario where 5 directors are working on a problem / program. One director decides to invite the sr. manager from their because of a specific expertise. The other directors, feeling it unfair their sr. managers didn’t get invite, won’t have it and invite their people as well.  An efficient working team of 5 has now grown to 10, not because of contribution, but because of the seeming need to be “fair”. In the case – the platform for fairness is a ranking.

This has many negative impacts to the organization:

• It’s inefficient – too many cooks in the kitchen (especially ones not contributing) slow things down – leading to….
• It’s costly – piling on resources to a problem doesn’t help it get solved any more quickly. The number of bodies in a room is directly related to burn
• It reinforces egos – condoning this behaviour perpetuates the ego underneath the rankings and titles
• It drives lower performance – by bringing in potentially irrelevant voices, the discussion cannot get to a higher level

I don’t have a solution for this deeply embedded behaviour other than to call it out when it happens and changing my own behaviours and decisions to focus on merit, capability and experience over titles, rankings and ultimately ego. How would you handle these scenarios?

Questions I have tonight as I think about what it means to be a parent.

• How do you create a system for your child to learn how to be organized AND be creative?
• How do you accept who they are – their unique operating model AND teach them life skills when you see things going sideways?
• How do you refrain from imposing your operating model on the amazing person they are going to become?
• In what situations do carrots work better than sticks?

If I changed the subject from a child to my team, I may ask the same questions. Interesting parallels in the universe.

What happens when you meet a team that is truly inspiring? I’ve just come from 2 days of coaching where the entirety of the schedule was so well structured and flawlessly executed. My perspective has shifted in how I would develop programs for my team. This includes:

• Being clear about expectations. We often do a terrible job at setting parameters, making assumptions that our teams already know things they would have no way of knowing.
• Be obvious. Related to the above, when giving instructions, be specific and clear about what you are asking the team to do. I often say the words amazing, great and awesome. These are no where near the specificity needed
• Walking the talk. Once you have defined expectations – as a leader, you need to also act in the way we want our teams to behave.
• Create a safe environment. I don’t think I fully understood what this meant until these past two days. The coaches I worked with truly made our cohort of very different people feel like we could speak up. There was feedback but without judgement. They were kind and open and truly embodies the values they espoused. They emphasized how important it was to make the audience of your messaging feel safe with simple techniques. Tell them where you’re going. Give them guidance.
• Techniques to cope with stress. Our teams faces unexpected situations. As leaders, we’ve likely faced these before. When creating programs, identify the potential challenges and develop simple ways to cope with examples.
• Have a clear structure. Each part of a program needs to make sense and have significant value. Each needs to have a core set of simple components so teams can easily digest what it means for them. And … the key is that the sum of the parts needs to be greater than the whole

• Create moments of buy in along the way. No one likes a process being forced down their throats. Use social engineering tactics to create the build connectors. Simple things like – a pledge, key markers / rules (being on time and lights flickering), repeating principles and living them through examples, creating demand to want to learn more – eg – creating master classes once team members reach a certain level.
• Building in small touches. The extras add value to en environment. Toiletries in the bathroom, thoughtful snacks at each session, printouts, lanyards, water bottles. Small touches can elevate an experience in many ways
• Measure and improve. Poll your teams on their experience of the program. Gather feedback and when it makes sense, adapt programs to the feedback.

These are just a few of the things from my experience these last two days that I will use in building any program in the future.